The Real Gift

Freely giving is something we cannot truly understand until we have freely received.

Loving is something we cannot truly do until we have truly allowed ourselves to receive love. For so long I walked through life feeling alone and confused

I was angry and refused to believe that God really cared

If He cared He wouldn’t have taken her, He wouldn’t have let them go…

He wouldn’t allow so much pain and hurt in this world.

His love became very real to me,

His truth set me free,

Free from sin and shame,

Free from confusion and pain…

God used Mercy Ministries to change my life,

He used this ministry to transform my mind

Now as I reflect on this season, I am amazed…

Christmas is the day where Love came and gave everything

God gave His one and only Son, not to condemn but save

 Jesus willingly came down to earth that day…

A loving Savior who truly desired our lives to be changed

It is easy to get caught up in the worlds meaning of Christmas

Not about our Savior’s sacrifice,

The focus becomes false happiness and fleshly desires

What we can give, what we can get,

A focus of materialistic selfishness,

When will our perspective change?

When will we grasp the real meaning?

Life may be hard, confusing and painful;

It does not ever have to be hopeless

God’s grace and love is available to all who have faith

A very Merry Christmas,

A gift of love beyond our understanding…

That Christ would one day shed His blood and freely give unending grace

Through Mercy I finally understood I had to receive it…

Would you evaluate your life, your faith, your love

Be confident knowing that He is perfect

His grace and love will never end

I pray this Christmas you would truly understand,

And find all your hope, grace, love, all you truly need in Him

Passion and Brokenness

Standing above a worship center full of people worshipping the One True God…

I wonder how many of these people are masking their own reality,

Denying the hurt and pain, trying to hide their desperation

They are using faith as a mask…if the Church knew would they be rejected

And even if they were accepted, would the church invest their time or love into these hurting people…would we see them as worth it…

 

One abrupt ending of a life…one broken heart expressing their pain

Shouldn’t this tragedy cause a change;

Bring forth the passion of Christ running through our veins

Was that life not worth the death of Christ?

All this pain brings forth the question of this place…of the Church

Are we the body of Christ as He intended?

Have we been blinded by our own selfishness?

The battle has been raging in my head for years

Relating to these broken lives…

Because I was masking my own reality

Hiding in a crowd of worshippers ,

Afraid to admit because of rejection…

Choosing daily between death or life

 

Is the love of Christ really real?

Is His sacrifice for those lives…

The lives so broken they’re debating suicide…

The TRUTH is CHRIST died to save

His love runs deeper than this pain…

 

The church…His Body, we have to make a change!

Let his passion run through our veins

And we are bound as followers of Christ to truly care

To reach out and walk alongside each other amidst the fight we have in this life!

Disconnecting myself from my emotions; holding back the truth to protect myself…am I hurting myself again?

Is holding back what keeping me locked up; is that something that’s pulling me back towards sin?

Afraid to open up because of what if’s

A cloudiness has followed me for years,

Another dreary day;

Disconnected from emotion,

Holding tight to the truth of the lies of my fears,

I pull back into isolation,

The safety of this prison,

I JUST WANT TO BREAK FREE

Not bound by the lies,

They’re no longer my truth

Ill cling to Your Word and hold tight to You

Your blood covers my sin and shame;

Your love outruns all this endless pain,

I can live unashamed when I live by Your strength.

Now I’ve fallen again;

Fallen victim to the lies that have become my truth,

How do I fight this again;

God when will this all come to an end…

It's the same old trick

familiar pain, familiar sin and shame

I wont take it anymore; 

I am NOT victim but victor of this storm

Not bound by the lies,

They’re no longer my truth

Ill cling to Your Word and hold tight to You

Your blood covers my sin and shame;

Your love outruns all this endless pain,

I can live unashamed when I live by Your strength.

I am on internship right now and the Lord is doing lots of things in my heart. I am so thankful for this opportunity, although it has been challenging in many ways. When a new door opens and one obediently walks through it, there will be things that cause tension, frustration, stress etc; however we must always turn to the Lord, focus on Him and Trust His provision and guidance! This is just like a raw prayer...time with the Lord where He just reminded me of HIS goodness and that He is totally TRUSTWORTHY!

I try to turn to You

I am clinging so tight to Your Truth

Galatians 5:1 "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free"

And still somehow I end up here

Alone in the night; 

Unable to still my mind

According to Your Word I am a new creation

I believe that, yet so often seem to forget; 

The old is gone and it is for freedom that I have been set free!

But the war still seems to be waging inside of me

It's amazing how many thoughts pass through

Are these truths?

Are these lies?

Sometimes I get so confused.

Take captive the thoughts, bring my mind back to You

ok...but it still hurts, I can still feel it

I only want to quit trying to ease the pain

Then I remember that You didnt quit!

You would never give up on me!

It is through fighting that character is built up in me!

God You sent Your Son and He willingly came

He walked through suffering, 

Took my sin upon Himself and still loves me the same.

So once again I choose to fight!

The victory is already mine

Because in the end my Savior wins!

THANK YOU GOD FOR YOUR UNENDING LOVE!

Older Stuff

To really explain how I feel seems impossible.

It is something I have been trying to do for years

I try and fail, and lose a few friends,

Yet I still try again

Some say feelings do not matter,

But when you’re hurting, do you feel it?

Its not about what others think,

I am well aware of this,

However those close friends of mine

Who shoot down my pain and hurt

Just deepen it within my heart

And it seems to just go back to the start

So let me begin

My God loves me forever and always

He never changes,

And I will serve Him all my life

No matter what

I praise His Holy Name

This truth will not leave my lips

But other truth will come out

The pain is real, the hurt runs deep

My GOD IS BIGGER

The truth has not left me,

The pain has grown, the hurt has deepened

My heart is breaking and I don’t know what to do

I seek His face, trusting it will end,

Waiting, not knowing,

You see my life is like a mirror

Shattered in so many pieces

I and others have tried to glue my life back together,

When I encountered God, my Father,

And accepted Him as Lord and Savior

The gaps, and overlapping pieces of glass just didn’t cut it

So my heart has been broken, the mirror has been shattered again

God is gluing the pieces together perfectly

But the time He is taking, is a painful wait

He knows what He is doing

He sees the big picture, and wants to place each piece perfectly where it belongs

He is Faithful

My life has been far from You,
My choices have left me feeling alone and confused
Why would You love someone like me?
Why would You choose to die for a sinner, one who is so unclean?

My guilt and shame fill my thoughts
the past has taken over, my life cannot change
there is no hope for someone like me
I believed these lies for far too lng
Then I relalized that my Father, my God, He saves!

God came in the form of a baby in a manger,
He sent His Son because I needed a Savior
He knows my name, my guilt, my shame and He loves me the same
His truth can guide me as He is the Way
He is witth me in every aspect of my day
He died to take away my shame,
He forgives those who ask, He loves us all
We are forgiven for our past

So I will look to Him, His Word, His Truth
I will trust that He can truly move me
move me to be who He's created me to be
Trust the forgiveness,
trust that He has set me free
Free to live for Him alone,
He has come to set me free
I will trust the One and only Savior who came and died for me!

He is Good

Faithful, everlasting good Father
Your love for me never changes
Times are hard, thoughts are dark
Yet You are faithful and true, no matter what I do
I long to know You
To Trust You! To find hope in You
I long to be who I am created to be
To stop focusing on me and let You
BE
Let You be my everything
To stop accepting the sin, the darkness I hide within
To stop sneaking around pretending I have everything together
When in fact I am on the verge of another breakdown
Lord You have changed me!
I know this is true
You have brought me to a place of truly knowing You!
So the voice of a stranger I choose not to follow
My focus, I choose not to allow it to wander
My desire for You Lord, light it aflame
Draw me in to You, I never want to be the same
Speak to me, I know Your voice
Ready my heart to make the choice,
to follow You
Whatever that means!
To follow You when I am feeling so diseased
By the crap that fills my mind, by the thoughts that seem to think they have the right
The right to lead me astray, to keep me from seeking Your face

ITS OVER! They cannot override Your truth within,
The right is Yours O Lord, to take over,
To erase my past and guide me along Your awesome path!!